Claire Lapses Briefly into TV-Induced Coma


After a mind-bending ingestion of Thursday evening drama, Claire slipped quietly into a quasi-vegetative state.

Husband Mark recalls his confusion: "We were just sitting on the couch enjoying a movie when I noticed that she wasn't asking me to turn down the commercials like she usually does. Her eyes were glazed over and she wouldn't respond even when I offered her chocolate."

Claire, who snapped back shortly after the TV was shut off, describes her memory of the incident:

"It began innocently enough. I came home and wanted to relax with a quick sitcom off the Tivo, but the only thing good was the hour-long 'American Family.' If you're tired, you don't want to see Edward James Olmos lamenting over the recent loss of Sonia Braga. It'll send you right over the emotional edge."Claire as TV Zombie

Claire states that she intended to get up and do Something but then "Mark came home and put us through a rerun of 'Nash Bridges' after which we found 'Grand Canyon,' which didn't begin until 9pm and is, after all, a movie. There might have been some 'Whose Line is It, Anyway?' thrown in there somewhere, I don't remember exactly."

Brother-in-law Bob states that he saw this coming for Claire. "When she was visiting we usually wouldn't watch much TV. But one evening someone turned it on, and when I looked over I saw that we had lost her. But I called her name a few times and she came back."

Of her recent episode Claire states: "I was going to do some woodworking and some laundry, but it was cold outside and I was pooped. And our couch sucks you in like a black hole."

Claire feels confident that the summer of reruns will prevent similar incidents in the near-term. But, she adds, "I can't wait until the fall."